Confessions of The Black Sheep

*Tick-tock-tick-tock

Stop... You stupid little disgusting bead of liquid...!!

STOP! TIME! Stop!

Work... what does this mean... Theta minus... Plus... Coeffeicient of Friction... WAIT, we’re doing 2 D motion na... but Multi-conceptual... Minus... Acceleration due to gravity... Divided... Tan Theta...
WHAT THE HELL! Stop PISSING ME OFF and MIND your OWN business you little Greek Symbol... wait... is theta...*

Yeah. Yeah. I was writing My TIME Evaluation Test. On the 7^th of November, 2010, sitting in a dingy, not crowded, well-lit, YET congested classroom. For years, I’d liked Closed Rooms. And this one was making Me Claustrophobic.

I’d sworn to Myself way back in class 8 that I’d NEVER sit in a room that bottles up students like some Gas which can be compressed (I’m talking Chemistry :O) and tolerate it. I’d given up one class way back in class 9. Attended it for a day... I’d sworn to Myself never to even attempt to get trained for Indian Institute of Technology’s Entrance Examination. Yet here I sat, a dumbhead trying to solve a Paper she couldn’t make a head or tail of, mainly meant for Focused People (*sighs*) to crack the Entrance Exam.

Yeah, I still do not want to write Indian Institute of Technology’s (IIT) Entrance Exam. I still don’t want to follow 10 lakh people from My country and become and Engineer. But not because I do not wish to work. Because I do not wish to follow the crowd. Because I know I don’t have the aptitude for it. For example, when I look at a fan, I never think how it works. I’ve forever thought of what better ways to sell it, make it look more attractive... Because I know I will NOT BE Happy!

Yet here I sat, attempting a paper, and battling with My Conscience, trying to figure out WHY I regret not joining Coaching Classes in class 8 itself. I can’t... I couldn’t... Think beyond marks. I’m confused. For Me, not being disgraced and branded a failure is more important than enjoying what I do. Way more important. All My Life, I’ve stressed on Believing in What You Do. Today, here I sat blasting My own Beliefs into Smithereens, for a Test I was writing. I Hate Physics, but not cause My Full Family loves it. Because I just don’t get it! They say, never give up... But then, I know My limitations. Physics is something I’ve just NEVER been able to do. The last numerical I solved in Physics was substituting value and doing kid multiplication.

My Pen has always rested its Nib on Paper to write words, not numbers. Words flowing out of My Heart, not Books.

Yet, with all this, here I sat, trying to write an Evaluation Test.

Yet, with all this, here I sat, battering My Beliefs and Everything I promised to Myself I’d never ever do.

Yet here, I sat, confessing...

Hi. I’m Me. A Fifteen Year Old. I’m Self-Obsessed, a Little Self-Centred, a little Selfless too. I’ve been bitched about, just like any other Fifteen Year Old. I’ve been hurt, just like any other Fifteen Year Old. I know I’m nothing Special, yet I Love to Believe I am. I believe that accepting Myself for Who I am to Myself, sets Me apart. I’m conceited, a little too complacent at times. I like the Way I write whether Others like it or not. I’m Frank, Straightforward and a bit Rude. I Care like no one ever could, but if I don’t... I just don’t. I’ve got Strong Opinions and a Barrier around Me.

And I’m doing Nothing whatsoever to correct Me.

I can See big Black spots of Flaws in Me.

But Hi... I’m Me. A Fifteen Year Old. A little Self-Obsessed, a little Self Centred and a little Selfless too.

Signing Off

A Flawed Me. (: