Light

After all the pain, after all the tears, after every failure I can possibly experience, there’s light. At the end of the tunnel.

I know I can feel myself running, sprinting, plummeting towards that light. The injuries because of the fall don’t matter, because that light is still there, glowing bright. And something inside me tells me that this light can heal all the pain. If not heal it, give me the strength to deal with it. This light may not be able to heal the scars in my mind and soul, but this light can give me the courage to accept myself.

I cannot get myself to say ‘my heart’, because I think I’ve lost it. Maybe I have. But my mind is still there, a constant reminder, a guide, whispering to me that mistakes have been made. My soul is still there, continually scalded by the weight of the guilt I carry.

I don’t grieve for another. I don’t grieve for a group. I grieve for me, for what has become of me, for the whimpering, unimportant entity that I have become. Yet, I am far from pitying myself. I berate, chastise and agonize over the mistakes of the past. Not to waste my present, but to remember that I did not reach my complete potential.

But skipping is not a solution. Escapism is not my way.

I shall live to see the end of the tunnel. I shall fight every storm, get through every quicksand. Or die trying. There is no one to disappoint but me, and nothing hurts more.

I know that I will have to leave my past behind to get where I wish to be. I am happy. The hurt is probably more than I want to carry for the rest of my life. But the past cannot be discarded selectively. If the memories of pain must fade, so must the memories of joy.

Deep down, I do know, that for the light, I’m willing to give up all.

The Alpha Male

From time immemorial, women have lived in a patriarchal society all over the world, and let’s admit it, in fear of men. Albeit the fact that there are some states that claim to be matriarchal, the fact is, by and large, our country, why, our world itself is run by the alpha male.

I was seeing an advertisement the other day on TV, that said, “Within each and every one of us, there is hidden an alpha. . .” (Deo for men, named Alpha), stressing on the ‘necessity’ for repulsively large and muscular bodies, and, of course, nudity.

Do we really want to be treated as equals only before Law? A State I know of considers the testimony of two women equivalent to that of one man. What kind of a ridiculous sexism is this? I want to listen to ONE single sensible argument, from an alpha male obviously, in support of this skewed and senseless rule. And if they come up with something like, “Men are more reliable”, I swear, my fists will have a hard time not showing their face what a punch feels like.

While preparing for my Common Law Admission Test and Symbiosis Entrance Test, I had to gobble up GK material. There were so many of these “First woman to—“ that it got me thinking. First woman to go to space, first woman to receive Sena Gallantry Award, blah blah. Call me a hardcore feminist, but I think this too, in some way, mocks the fairer sex. Why should all of this be remembered? I’m not some sort of a frustrated student sick of exams, mind you! Just because that person was female? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I feel like all this reflects a certain, “Oh-you-know-what-this-was-tough-for-a-WOMAN” attitude.” The other side of the argument is that it celebrates the entry of women into something that was previously considered impossible for them. But bleh. Why previously, even?

Brings me to the root of this problem. Why at all is this problem prevalent?
You know, part of the fault lies with us too. Now, before the feminist police tears me into pieces, let me tell you why. Most of us have allowed the society to do this to us. We’ve allowed ourselves to be considered as a burden; we have, to some extent, allowed sexual objectivism, et al. Why should Prince Charming be strong and protective? Its a symbiotic thing, right? Isn’t it possible for both to be strong and mutually protective of each other?

In the Victorian era, women’s waists were supposed to be 19” or 20”, not more. My wrists circumference can’t be that, but moving on. Corsets were compulsory. Being ‘slim’ was called a womanly duty, but in truth, it was just another way of showing that they were constrained. Restricted. Body, blood flow, breath, and everything. And women agreed and submitted.

It stands true even today.

Don’t ask me why I accept chivalry. I carry my luggage, and pay my bills. Draw out my own chairs too. In support of those who expect chivalry: We’ll stop expecting chivalry when you stop expecting us to be damsel-in-distress for 3/4^th of our lives, and a delicate darling the other 1/4^th.

When at home my brother sits idly, lazing around and I’m working on something seriously, it is still me who has to bring the water, clean the table, etc etc. These are small things, you say. Yes, maybe they are. It is not that I mind doing all this. What I mind is my brother sitting idle. Of course, my brother goes out and gets stuff at mummy’s command and all that. . .

Apparently, male chauvinism is a banned topic at home. But let me go ahead and say it. We live like Lions and Lionesses. Not just my house, but most houses. The Lioness gives birth to children, the Lioness hunts, the Lion divides the food and eats. Yet, the Lion leads the Pride. I’m not being boorish and pompous as I say this, but the house wouldn’t run without my mother, whatever else it could run without.

I’m a lazy person by nature (now I wonder where I got that gene from :P). So is my brother. But for me, this is an entirely different problem. Monumental. What will happen to me at my ‘in-laws’ place? They’ll kick me out? Hell they will. -_- I’ll be a financially independent person, so they can kick me out, and I’ll sue them for abuse. Hell they will!

Will these be passed off as natural, shenanigans, or a certain attitude problem, only time will tell.

I’m sure that when my family reads this, they’ll have their answers, and hopefully not a dose of yelling (which is not out of the normal for me, rebel that  I am) ready: All this is ok for writing’s sake. Its still true that the world is how it is, and you have to be this and that and so on and so forth with your ‘in-laws’.

I picked this off another article I read long ago, and it holds true in this situation: I tell you this, monsieur, if that’s how the world works, it ain’t working right!

Meanwhile, for the fear of not having shelter, let me just say, “Long live the alpha male!”

Yours truly,
A Rebel.

Courage to be Loved

While it is almost impossible for people to believe that it takes hardly any courage to love, what remains true is that in comparison with the courage it takes to be loved, it takes almost negligible strength/courage to love. . . .

Love is like water. The more you try conditioning it and keeping it within your palm, the tougher it is to hold it. Love is like the sea. Let it be, let it roar when there’s a storm, let it shelter the fish, let is support a life system as a whole. The sea gives more life than a bottle of water on your table does.

It is so easy to be engrossed in your own selves, so much that others don’t seem to exist. It takes courage to believe that others do. It is so easy to believe that the whole world is against you, and you have to fight a battle alone against the world. It is just so much harder to believe that the world is actually with you, and your battle is against issues that crop up within, not outside. . .

When you say your love is selfless, rethink what you’re saying.

You could be ready to fight a million armies for one person, but what really makes you selfless is your ability to distinguish between your allies and your foes. When you’re battling against the world showing someone how much you love them, you’re hurting those who are close to you. If they still stand by you, it is not because you are selfless, it is because they are accommodating.

My neighbour says that any two rational, normal human beings, if wed, will fall in love eventually. My father says it isn’t true, what if the significant other has a flaw one just can’t stand? Therefore, I said, rational, normal human beings.

Love is Mercy. If you can forgive someone for their flaws and embrace them with it, what more could you want from love?

It is so easy to confine yourself to a bubble you think is your world. So much harder to accept that this bubble can pop any second. The world is so much more than your bubble. Your world is so much more than that. . .

No one person can mean the world to you. . . It is just a comfortable thought.

Making ‘your world’ happy is easy. Making those who make ‘your world’ happen is tough. Life’s about sharing your happiness and love.

To attain a state of mental sanctity. . . to be able to distinguish between love and all that pretends to be love is what is the challenge. To have the strength to believe that people do care, people care much more than what you can see. To have the courage to call for peace instead of getting ready for battle.

After all, to love is to live.

Selfless love now prevails. . .